Zach Woods was in both The Office and The League. Obviously this means that after Sabre shut down, Jared found himself without a raison d’être and after much soul searching and several failed attempts (Scarecrowing, artisinal soap dispensing, flash crowdsurfing) he realized that there were indigenous people who had no idea about DJing in The League S4E8 and dedicated himself to spreading the love of scratching to the world.
Kristen Schaal was in both How I Met Your Mother and 30 Rock. Obviously this means that Hazel Wassername was so downtrodden after losing Marshall and Lilly as best friends (couple segment) in How I Met Your Mother S3E11 that she considered leaving New York and returning to rural Virginia where she was a bit of a celebrity, being the first person in over 70 years from her town selected to be on a Jury. She decided to give it one last chance in the Big Apple, so she took a job at NBC and decided to be best friends with Liz Lemon in 30 Rock S7E10, figuring that if she can be so funny all the time, Liz must be a really nice, open, and friendly person.
Maggie Wheeler was in both How I Met Your Mother and Friends. Obviously this means that after she and Chandler Kiss in Friends S10E15, she realizes her whole life has been a sham and concocts an elaborate plan to get him back. She starts a French restaurant for Americans in Paris name Chez Americano and moves her family there, gets a good reputation, and convinces the Bing family to move to Paris. While there she tricks her husband and Monica into sleeping together not once (by giving Monica the wrong hotel room and taking all the lightbulbs out of the room), not twice (by attending a sexy silent costume party and switching dresses with Monica at the last minute), but three times (by setting up a live marionette style play to promote the restaurant in which all of the participants are controlled by strings from above and unable to stop what’s happening [Sid and Monica don’t actually have sex during this one, but while they are simulating it for the play, both can be seen smiling]). Chandler can no longer believe this was an accident and leaves Monica in Paris, returning to New York. After a few months cool down, Janice sells the restaurant and returns to New York as well, and runs into Chandler “by accident” at an open house in Dowisetrepla. The two are very happy and currently have two children with a third on the way.
Adam Scott was in both Parks and Recreation and Veep. Obviously this means that Ben Wyatt was so funny on the campaign trail that he was offered a job by NBC before he even took office. He declined, but since he had achieved all his goals as President in one term, there was no need for a second. With a fresh supply of free time, and with Leslie busy as first woman chancellor of the Directing Viable Data Analytics foundation, which sought to use big data to end world hunger, cure cancer, and formulate the perfect multinationally adored waffle recipe, Ben saw an opportunity. While Leslie was away during the day working at DVDA, Ben could stay home with their adopted children and biological grandchildren. When Leslie was at home, Ben could take some personal time to himself and host the Tonight show in Veep S6E9.
Matt Walsh was in both Veep and The League. Obviously this means that Mike McLintock had another life before he got into politics. He was an ordinary suburban dad who liked grilling and fishing and watched baseball, but then his son became known as the Oracle in The League S1E1 and everything changed. He was torn between his jealousy at being overshadowed by his son and his twofold desire for his son to be successful and to make money off this skill. The constant internal struggle eventually ripped him in half and he went on a bizarre spree inside a Wholefoods shoving every single stalk of Asparagus into his butt and running around the store screaming (for some reason) “ARUGULA ARUGULA ARUGULA.” When he left the psychiatric hospital, Mike had found a new zen approach to life through which he can take whatever life presents to him with peace and understanding. With his newfound power, Mike went into the most stressful job in the world (for a normal person): Selena Meyer’s press secretary.
Noel Gugliemi was in both The League and The Fast & The Furious. Obviously this means that because Hector couldn’t pronounce his name, he thought he couldn’t be charged with any crimes, since you need to know someone’s name to put them into the system. He went on a liquor store robbing spree in The League S1E1 to pay for more Civics and Spoon motors, but got caught when he had to find out the hard way if the cameras were on. In prison, Hector hooked up with several wealthy investors and took Race Wars from a small group of like minded racers to the world class festival it is today. When Letty punched him, though, Hector was seriously brain damaged by her toughness. He left that night and wandered the desert. He has never been seen since. Some people say he died that night, that he was so tortured by his mind’s betrayal and confusion that he drove off a cliff without jumping out of the car at the last second. Others say, though, that if you’re driving alone in the desert in the dark of night and you come to a stop, if you honk three times and go on three, a tuned Civic will race you for old time’s sake.
Todd Grinnell was in both Parks and Recreation and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Obviously this means that Sage was so bent out of shape when he saw that tree viciously murdered and his girlfriend betrayed him by having sex with a suburban tool narc with a Range Rover and a moussed coif that he gave up his life as an environmental activist. Sage started going by his actual name: Nate, and started working at city hall in Pawnee. He stopped trying to stop developers from destroying the world and changed his priorities so that he was really impressed by someone getting a speed bump lowered. To this day he still thinks of Asriel from time to time and goes and chains himself to a tree in the Pawnee woods and cries. He never knows why, but his tears always seem to smell a little bit like Patchouli.
Anna Chlumsky was in both 30 Rock and Veep. Obviously this means that Amy Brookheimer was in a 12 step program to conquer her addiction, politics. Part of that was not associating with people who potentially trigger her addiction, which is why she got a job at the furthest thing from politics: NBC. A little known fact is that Amy Brookheimer is actually short for Amliz Brookheimlemler, so she decided to shorten her name in a different way for her new job and went by Liz Lemler. When Floyd left her, she had lost her rock and the one person who kept her from spiraling back into her addiction, and it was only a matter of time before she got back into politics.
David Cross was in both Community and Arrested Development. Obviously this means that Tobias Fünke’s twin brother never saw the analrapist that Tobias always dreamed of as a child. The need for an analrapist changed Tobias’ life and altered his trajectory completely, inspiring him to become the greatest analrapist ever to analyze or therapyze children so that he could give them the help that his brother never got and could have saved his relationship with his father.
Tristram was in both Community and Diablo. Obviously this means that Tristram Steelhart, the mace wielding holy cleric roleplayed by Hank, Professor Hickey’s son (played by David Cross), was the last remaining grandchild of Deckard Cain (who named him after the town where his parents met). Deckard Cain raised Tristram Steelhart after his father was trapped in a soulstone accidentally (which Deckard always blamed himself for) and his mother died in childbirth because look at the place, there was no medical knowledge in Khanduras. Deckard Cain was killed when Tristram was just a boy and Tristram dedicated himself to avenging his grandfather’s death by killing all of the witch Adria’s followers and bringing fathers and sons back together.