Michael Imperioli was in both The Office and The Sopranos. Obviously this means that Christufah went on the lam after he murdered seven people when he found out that the subway Italian sub doesn’t come with provolone. Christufah used his extensive knowledge of martial arts he learned by bashing heads and became a 10th don black belt in the ancient gabagool mortadel style of karate. He appreciated Dwight’s dedication to karate and recognized Dwights unflinching and thoughtless devotion to his boss, seeing something of himself in his student. Seeing a true don in Dwight, he gave Dwight his black belt in The Office s9e21.
Jim Rash was in both Community and Friends. Obviously this means that Dean Pelton was planning to move to Paris to pursue a lucrative career combining his love for costumes with miming, becoming the world’s first mimetumer. He was on Rachel’s flight in S10E18 The Last One: Part 2 when she found out there was no philange on the plane and warned him. Dean ran off of the plane for his safety and found himself lost, without a plan and with nothing to fall back on. Lost, Dean decided he would do the old timey thing and make his name into an aptronym.
June Diane Raphael was in both New Girl and The League. Obviously this means that before she finished med school and came out of the closet, Sadie struggled with her feelings about men. She was confused for a while and thought that she hated men, so when she tried out torturing them with electroshock therapy as Pam, Raffi and Dirty Randy’s Nurse Ratchet in The League s6e4, she was surprised to find that it didn’t satisfy her. She figured out that she didn’t hate men, she just didn’t find herself attracted to them romantically. You know what they say: it’s always the last place you look.
Nelson Franklin was in both New Girl and Veep. Obviously this means that Robby was so destroyed by Jess’ rejection that he no longer valued himself in any way as a human being. He sought out fulfillment as a dunk tank victim, a puddle bridger who dove into puddles so that rich ladies didn’t have to step in them, a punching bag filler, and a vomit mopper at a frat house, but he couldn’t find any job that made him feel worthless enough to satisfy him, until he met Roger Furlong. Roger Furlong liked the name Robby too much and his mom once dated a guy named Will who smelled like cheese and didn’t buy him a hotdog when they went to a baseball game, causing Furlong to hate the name Will for many years. Robby legally changed his name to Will so that Roger Furlong could properly hate him.
Alison Becker was in both Parks and Recreation and The League. Obviously this means that Shauna Mulwae-Tweep was run out of Pawnee after an article that mentioned a woman president of a company did not include the reassurance “(not of the United States)” after saying “President Amy Smith.” Suddenly ejected into a world that generally sees women as potential people of power, Shauna embraced her newfound agency and became a witch. She dated Pete briefly in The League S2E7.
T.J. Miller and Thomas Middleditch were in both The League and Silicon Valley. Obviously this means that before they went into tech, Richard and Erlich were in The Light of Genesis, the cult that Ruxin almost joined in The League S3E10. Richard and Erlich were desperately curious about their bodies and how they might fit together, and after they saw the way Kevin and Pete looked at each other, they finally succumbed to desire and kissed. They discovered that they were just curious and not really that into each other, but they were seen by their cult leader and excommunicated. With no religion to sell to people, they headed out west and landed in Silicon Valley, where they learned about programming and put that chapter of their lives behind them, although they both find themselves strangely erect whenever they hear hymns.
Dan Bakkedahl was in both 30 Rock and Veep. Obviously this means that Roger Furlong was taking his bratty, disappointing children on a tour of NBC in 30 Rock S1E18 when he hid from them so he could have just a nip of fresh air (Fresh Air® is a brand of gin sold in indiscreet little baggies that a parent can easily hide inside their wallet or purse and use when their hell spawn get a bit too hellish) in the dress rehearsal of an unaired roast of President Bush. He realized that politicians could say whatever they want and be as mean as they want to everyone they work with, so he quit his job as a Sunday school teacher and ran for congress in Ohio.
Chris Diamantopoulos was in both The Office and Silicon Valley. Obviously this means that after he had such a long career operating the boom mic for the Dunder Mifflin documentary, Brian had cash in his hand and a desire to do something with it. He looked around his apartment and saw two things: a boom mic he had stolen from the documentary company and a computer. That’s when it hit him. What if you could put sounds on the internet? Brian decided to go by his middle name, Russ, and invested heavily in putting radio onto the internet. With the money from his genius idea, he dedicated himself to two things: 1. he started an investment firm to help other people with awesome ideas make money off them, and 2. he hired the band Trapt to be his in house band that plays every time he gets out of bed or brings a girl home (that’s why you haven’t heard from them in a while).
Zach Woods was in both The Office and The League. Obviously this means that after Sabre shut down, Jared found himself without a raison d’être and after much soul searching and several failed attempts (Scarecrowing, artisinal soap dispensing, flash crowdsurfing) he realized that there were indigenous people who had no idea about DJing in The League S4E8 and dedicated himself to spreading the love of scratching to the world.
Kristen Schaal was in both How I Met Your Mother and 30 Rock. Obviously this means that Hazel Wassername was so downtrodden after losing Marshall and Lilly as best friends (couple segment) in How I Met Your Mother S3E11 that she considered leaving New York and returning to rural Virginia where she was a bit of a celebrity, being the first person in over 70 years from her town selected to be on a Jury. She decided to give it one last chance in the Big Apple, so she took a job at NBC and decided to be best friends with Liz Lemon in 30 Rock S7E10, figuring that if she can be so funny all the time, Liz must be a really nice, open, and friendly person.