Martin Starr was in both Silicon Valley and New Girl. Obviously this means that Dirk had collected all of the degrees he could (123 if you count the associates degrees that he compiled while researching potential bachelors degrees) and decided that his collection needed a change. Since the tech industry hates college degrees, he couldn’t seek them out to prove his intelligence. Instead of degrees, he started collecting web development certifications. The first he got, a Java certification, got him laid at local coffee shops so much that he couldn’t stop accumulating them
Hugh Dane was in both Friends and The Office. Obviously this means that before he was the best damn security guard Dunder Mifflin Scranton has ever seen, Hank was the best damn manager the Department of Human Services had ever seen in Friends S2E6 The One With The Baby On The Bus. He was fired after it turned out that he gave a baby away to two men who claimed they had left it on a bus while trying to pick up chicks without even asking them who the baby looked more like.
David Harbour was in both Stranger Things and Jurassic World. Obviously this means that Chief Hopper had a bearded dragon as a kid that he loved very much and spent every day taking care of and caring for in the best way he knew how. This meant that Hopper’s Upside Down was Merlin and other lizards like him turning into hateful, hurtful monsters that killed people. Hopper’s upside down ended when the Indominous Rex, which looked nothing like Merlin but shared his reptilia class, made all of his deepest fears come true and ate him.
Jake Johnson was in both New Girl and Jurassic World. Obviously this means that Nick took to heart Ernest Hemingway’s belief that experience is essential to good writing and ran with it, getting a job as an IT professional in the control room on Isla Nublar for a theme park. Nick believed that this real world experience, while not particularly interesting or exciting, would give him some insight into how the average person lives. His plan was wrecked when the theme park got taken over by crazy dinosaurs and he was forced to scramble to keep people alive during the chaos. This experience didn’t help him identify with the common person, so Nick was left with nothing to write about afterwards.
Jennifer Coolidge was in both American Pie and Seinfeld. Obviously this means that Stiffler’s Mom was an accomplished masseuse in New York who gave in and finally gave Jerry the massage he wanted for free before hooking up with Stiffler’s Dad and moving to western Michigan. Stiffler’s Mom convinced Stiffler’s Dad masseuses are able to gestate a pregnancy in just six months, but only their first. That’s why Stiffler was such a funny guy, he inherited his father’s comedic timing.
Clark Duke was in both The Office and New Girl. Obviously this means that Clark saw how successful Jim and Pam’s relationship was, even though she was in a subordinate role, and thought that he might have the chance of a similar office romance turning into marriage and children. He was fantastically in love with Nick’s girlfriend Julia, his boss in New Girl S1E13, and was working up the courage to ask her out since she decided to spend Valentines Day with him, but Nick showed up and ruined his one chance at happiness. He gave up his law career since he couldn’t deal with seeing his true love with someone else and he’s currently trying to get beets to grow in the arid Southern California landscape. If desert beets are successful, maybe he’ll find himself a good woman like his hero Dwight.
Leslie David Baker was in both The Office and Malcolm in the Middle. Obviously this means that Stanley needed to buy a toaster. You may think that the toaster is obviously for Roy and Pam’s wedding, but you’d be wrong. Stanley’s wife Teri had gotten onto a health food kick and would only make soups for dinner, but refused to make grilled cheese to go with them. Stanley had to create his own grilled cheese toaster by hollowing out the center of a normal toaster and heating the sandwich on its side.
Jim Rash was in both Community and Captain America: Civil War. Obviously this means that Dean Pelton was so successful and acclaimed by the dean community for his work at Greendale, turning it from a struggling community college into a struggling junior college, that as soon as his time at Greendale was over, MIT was quick to recruit him as their new dean. He took some of the business acumen he developed at Greendale to invent the self cooking hot dog, which he would go on to follow with a self cooking hamburger (The Manburger, bring your own buns), self spreading peanut butter (Butt Spread), and finally his most successful, the self grilling grilled cheese (Sloppy Cheeser).
Jon Hamm was in both 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation. Obviously this means that after Dr. Drew’s bubble burst and he was disbarred as a doctor (or whatever doctors get, disboarded?), he went to work for Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation S6E20 since he had heard through the Incompetence Interconnection Interface that she would not fire anyone for incompetence, not even the legendary Gerry Gergich (the III, pronounced iii, provides a network through which incompetent workers can share their successes).